Table of Contents (Non-Fiction/Essays)
Because even I can't make sense of my front page
Dating
Since the end of my second marriage in the foul year of our Lord 2023, I have actually forgotten how many people I slept with. I am now in a loving non-monogamous relationship with my bisexual pseudonymous partner Marie. These are my lessons learned.
Dating As A Bisexual DILF
NOTE: The posting schedule of Not All Man will be Talking Tuesdays for non-premium content, and Fucking Fridays for adult/premium content. Enjoy and upgrade today!
I Slept With My Writers Group and Blew It Up
To be clear: this is exactly what's on the box. It was exactly that ill advised, and this is a free post specifically so all comers can get their fill. I endorse whatever judgment you lay on me in advance, and you definitely should laugh at me. I certainly have and still do. So from my throat all t…
Consent: A Love Story
When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When you’ve been hit with a hammer, everything looks like a hammer. Marie is my primary partner, and falling in love with her, I finally started to understand that.
Dating, Autism, and Situational Competence
As I noted last week, I’m an Olympic medalist at online dating. But I’m not “winning” against competition; in fact, barely anyone signs up for my sport. Most people love hearing about my dating exploits, because who wouldn’t? I’m a loudly out bisexual man who really did pull the trigger and leave a woma…
Bisexuality, Dating, and Gender
Note: My partner Marie took me to task for oversimplifying and caricaturing her online dating experience; she made great points, and I have duly edited that section of this post.
I Came Out to Myself at 40
Three years ago last Friday, I first said “I’m bisexual” out loud. I was in a Subaru Forester, since sold off as the one asset in my second marriage worth any note. Unlike last Friday, it was frigidly cold in Chicago, and my breath frosted on the inside of the windshield. It was my parenting day, and I had …
My Bisexual Dating Lexicon
I got back into online dating almost a year ago. At the time, I described it as a simple process: the point of messaging is to get off the terrible app and into text. The point of texting is to see if they’re interesting enough to meet. The point of meeting is to see if they’re stable enough to fuck. Fuck…
Infinitely Undignified
Last week, the Catholic Church infuriated queer communities the world over. Basically, the current Pope had made several moves to promote homosexuals from satanic pariahs to puzzling noncombatants in the holy worldview. Then in a time-honored tradition, Rome released a document saying ther…
Bumble's Big Bumble
A gaffe, Michael Kinsley famously declared, is when a politician accidentally tells the truth. This month Bumble joined in on that proud tradition. In a now-canceled ad campaign, the theoretically woman-focused dating app declared what a lot of us degenerate sluts have known for years: its u…
The Labors of the Many
The eternal cost of living your best life is that you get to answer to the insecurities of those who cannot. Divorce your sexless spouse, and the rest of the sexless spouses you know get antsy. Come out as bisexual, and the other gender worries that they have more competition while your own wor…
Dear Men, From A Man Who Loves Men
Once upon a time I slept my way through half the men of the North Side of Chicago thinking it would go better than my two disastrous marriages. These are my lessons learned.
Dear Men, From a Man Who Loves Men
“He is making rules for men!” snickered Marie. “I repeat: Kaz Ballaski is including ‘donts’ on his profile out of sheer exhaustion with MEN!”
Dear Men From A Man Who Loves Men (2)
The best solution to being bothered by the internet is to just get off the internet. The next best solution is to mute and block everything and everyone that one finds bothersome. The worst solution is to attempt to reason with the internet, and that’s how we got the great Man Versus Bear War of 2024.
I Dumped Him Over An Air Fryer
My gay slut era peaked with my first Grindr date. He was a twink with a self-described fake British accent who gave up cocaine for Lent, pressured me for bareback sex, and showed me his Instagram feed featuring him posing with an AK-74 assault rifle. Worst of all, he gave me strep throat, which I then gave to my immunocompromised partner, who is
My Job
I’m an opposition researcher. If you yourself are an opposition researcher, then you have definitely already ID’d me based on my posts and I thank you for your discretion. Everyone else, here’s what it’s like working in Democratic politics while autistic, bisexual, alcoholic, and traumatized.
Ally Talk Is Always Cheap
Note: Not All Man’s posting schedule is Talking Tuesdays for general/unpaid content, and Fucking Fridays for paid/adult content. Be sure to toss me five bucks to see what’s in store Friday; in the meantime here’s the inaugural take.
Opposition Research Is Dead
Last week on the phone with my partner Marie, I faced a long-overdue reality: I’m unemployed. Not underemployed or thin on clients, but the worst kind of jobless: self-employed, with no health coverage or access to unemployment benefits. Realistically, the field in which I’ve worked…
What If We Cheated And Nobody Came?
I remember when the Ashley Madison database was leaked. I was an opposition researcher, and news was already racing across social media of possibly mining the data file for political dirt. After an hour of research, I concluded that there was no possible political value in the data. That’s not a very fun answer to deliver on wh…
Opposition Research Is Not Crisis Management
I’ve always been a really good researcher, but a really bad consultant.
Democrats in a Strange Land
There are two kinds of Democratic consultant: the stage hand, and the back roomie. The stage hand is always a company wo/man, and you can see them across social media and cable news, filtering news through party orthodoxy and promoting their team. But make no mistake: the stage hand has a lot more…
Recovery
I’m a once-relapsed alcoholic with severe chronic PTSD, from events stretching deep into my childhood. These are an account of how I am trying to recover.
Weed Changed My Life, and I Gave It Up
The first time I started really smoking weed, it was to avoid drinking, and it worked.
My Barely Legal Stepmother Hit On Me
Step erotica- where in-laws, step relatives, and parental/filial lovers have forbidden incest-adjacent sex- is one of the most popular tropes in erotica and porn. To see for yourself, just take a quick detour to PornHub, where the first result on the homepage today is “Sis Loves Me - Horny…
Parenthood
I’m a single father to two preteens, one of them autistic and non-verbal. Their mother, my first ex-wife, is both neglectful and abusive. This is how I’m trying to manage.
Difficult Talks With My Son
Last year I opened up to my younger son for the first time, in tears, while scrubbing poop off a wall.
Things I Saw At My Sons' Age
When I told Thing 2 my second marriage was over, we were in the sun room of the marital apartment, X2 having barricaded herself in the bedroom and demanded no one interact with her. The following morning she would leave and never return. Eventually I discovered she was visiting my kids
Goodbye to 2023
Way back in the innocent days of the Divorce Shelter in 2015, every day I weathered explosions and threats from Piper, wept over my children I barely could see, scrambled frantically for clients as my lawyer’s bills climbed ever higher. And every night I stayed up until midnight, us…
Divorce
I’ve been married and divorced twice. The second time went a lot better.
Narcissism, Flying Monkeys and the Friend Divorce
“Devoted father who cooks and cleans. Requirements: no beatings.” That was my first joking take on a profile on dating apps during my first divorce. Except it wasn’t a joke at all, and I wound up running straight into the arms of a spouse who did everything
So I Have An Ex-Wives Club
Friends and degenerates, I am no stranger to infamy. I’ve been called a thug, poison to a free press in a democratic society, and a libelous dirt digger. Multiple congressional staffers have threatened to sue me. While stoned one late night, I accidentally provoked an elected official into admitting domest…
I Wrote My Way Out of a Sexless Marriage
I first started really writing while trying to avoid my second wife on a trip to Australia.
Can a Marriage Survive Coming Out Bisexual?
On this day a year ago, my second marriage was in its final death throes. Karen couldn’t stand that I was bisexual, I knew it, she knew I knew it, and we both knew I couldn’t bring it up without a defensive explosion. So instead we fought about our dead bedroom, including when m…
My Marriage to Satan (CONTENT WARNING)
My first marriage lasted ten years, and nearly every single day of it my first wife beat and emotionally abused me. In the final years she raped me as well. It has left with severe PTSD that I am still struggling to unpack a decade after I left her. These are explicit accounts, and they were excruciating to write. Be forewarned.
Drunk and Seeking Death
Content Warning: This essay has nightmare fuel. It contains visceral descriptions of child abuse, and references to child sexual abuse. It also includes visceral descriptions of alcoholism, severe depression, and suicidal ideation. It is my past and my life, and also in the strongest…
Caught and Seeking Confusion
Content Warning: This essay has nightmare fuel. It contains visceral descriptions of physical, sexual, and domestic abuse. It is my past and my life, and also in the strongest terms possible, DO NOT READ this if the above will cause you harm, or even if you don't want to.
Liberal, Seeking Lifelines
Content Warning: This essay has nightmare fuel. It contains visceral descriptions of physical and domestic abuse. It is my past and my life, and also in the strongest terms possible, DO NOT READ this if the above will cause you harm, or even if you don't want to.
Sober, Seeking Salvation
Content Warning: This essay has nightmare fuel. It contains visceral descriptions of physical and domestic abuse, alcoholism, and suicidal ideation. It is my past and my life, and also in the strongest terms possible, DO NOT READ this if the above will cause you harm, or even if you don't want to.