I Slept With My Writers Group and Blew It Up
The bisexual wizard giveth, and his dick taketh away
To be clear: this is exactly what's on the box. It was exactly that ill advised, and this is a free post specifically so all comers can get their fill. I endorse whatever judgment you lay on me in advance, and you definitely should laugh at me. I certainly have and still do. So from my throat all the way to the cheap seats:
I fucked my writers group and burned it to the ground.
This isn't a justification, or a history of the little Discord server that's now a ghost town in my system tray. This is in your inbox because, foremost, it's fucking hilarious. I literally fucked around and found out! I'd wanna judge me for sure. Secondly, just because I wax Ciceronian about hard domestic truths, doesn't make me any better at this shit. My DIY bisexual awakening is a series of decisions that both worked out great on balance, and also on balance were terrible ideas from the beginning! That's important to note, to me more than anyone.
I made a Discord server when I was doing National Novel Writing Month, and then writing fan fiction, and then hesitantly talking about my trauma for basically the first time in my life. It was a fly trap of toxic voyeurism, a rotating cast of would be hobby writers gawking at a middle aged man with seemingly no verbal filter nor end of personal trauma. It was also a weird stress evolution: I taught myself to meaningfully assert myself as I threw out one new person with self declared Borderline Personality Disorder after another, and at the end of it I had a small but stable and semi productive membership, composed mostly of existing acquaintances of mine.
Then I walked away from my second marriage, and decided that the weird server that was sort of a writers group but also thirsty as hell with multiple non monogamous members would make a good slut club as well. It seemed perfectly logical. Not only were we already talking about sex, I'd informally advised one member through her first few threesomes.
It had seemed perfectly logical. She was a self identified lesbian curious about men, I was (at first) in a committed straight marriage. So of course I told Meg1 all about my intense, autistic understanding of dating and casual sex that had led to my ludicrously slutty first rebound.
It's not like I was going to suddenly blink and realize I had talked a lesbian through threesomes with a man but couldn't talk to my own wife about sex and
At any rate, upon walking away from Karen I updated this newly self declared slut club on my unhinged sluttery. They all got so into the updates that one such member, a local acquaintance of mine by the pseudonym of Cyrus, said he was going to give casual dating a try, too. As I slept with my sixth man, Cyrus announced that he was heading into a threesome with a married couple. Two days after that, he relayed that he had fucked the man in the threesome as well, and needed to think about his life.
You know, as one does.
Cyrus immediately propositioned me, of course. I did not even a little bit say we should just be friends. Are you kidding me? I'm a queer man. I told him to go fuck his first dozen men like me and figure out some of what he likes and then we would have sex. He asked how, and I said, I kid you not, "Just put that you're a top in your profile, the needy bottoms of Tinder will do the rest." He affirmed with amazement that I was exactly right within days.2
So that was that with Cyrus. He's great. Our schedules suck. All remains well.
Meanwhile, Meg and I had spent the better part of six months discussing our sexualities in graphic and un self conscious detail, and she was still curious about men, and I was suddenly single. It took us about two months to crack and admit we were now rabidly flirting all over the writers group turned slut club and had indeed developed mutual feelings. We were both extremely sure that there were no misunderstandings about where either of us stood or what we wanted.
After all, we had met when Meg liked my fan fiction. And she lived not merely out of town, but out of the country. And I was over a decade older. Also, she was the second most prolific writer in the group after myself.
So while sleeping with Cyrus, I also left the country twice to sleep with Meg. It was fantastic! And also after the second time it was very clear we were not, in fact, on the same page about where we stood nor what we were doing. So I asked myself:
Kaz…how many Right Answers do you think there are for a man in your position, not being on the same page as a partner over a decade younger?
And that was that.
There was no drama at first, at least, from my perspective. I talked about it a bit to a few of my acquaintances, not reading the room as always. But a key fact was Meg, Cyrus and I had been the vast majority of the content producers in the group, and we were also the only “sluts” actually going out and sleeping with near-strangers on the regular. The rest were there for, as one disgruntled member put it, “the Kaz and Meg Show.” Understandably, Meg leaving the server without comment led to hard feelings over the show coming to an abrupt end. I did not shirk my own childish and dramatic hard feelings, and we all made proper asses of ourselves.
And that was that.
The dumb boring truth is I lived partially, some might say mostly, on the internet between 2019 and 2023. I had my reasons for doing it, and it more or less got the results I wanted. But it also had all the downsides of living on the internet, including the inevitable Internet drama from sticking my dick in the internet. I suppose I could have picked a better way to stop, but learning what to stop, and how, and why, was part of the process.
The bisexual wizard giveth, and his dick taketh away.
Pseudonymous, with fondness.
I'm gonna throw curious straight men a bone here. When secretly setting your interests to men on Tinder, do NOT write in ALL CAPS that you're LOOKING FOR A BEAUTIFUL STRAIGHT WOMAN. Literally just put ⬆️ in your profile. The needy bottoms of Tinder will 100% take care of you.
"inevitable Internet drama from sticking my dick in the Internet" = gold