“So you’re not attracted to men?” I asked.
Tim took a generous swallow of his old fashioned. The Humble Bar was half full for a weeknight. A cluster of Puerto Rican retirees argued loudly at a table of dominos, and a couple languidly flirted over a game of pool in the back. Chicago’s wet summer air curled through the open door with the evening sounds of Humboldt Park at play.
“I know it sounds strange,” said my date for the evening. Tim’s fiery red hair was buzzed short, and an immaculately trimmed beard lined his chiseled jaw. According to his dating profile, he was “heteroflexible,” and “attracted to femme body types, but loves sucking cock.” No one would accuse me of a femme body type, yet here he was, and I certainly didn't mind. the view.
“I mean, you’re an attractive guy, I can tell,” Tim continued. “But I’m not gay or anything. I love my wife. It’s just…well, cock. I can’t get enough of it.”
I glanced at the bartender, who was doing a heroic job of pretending not to listen. She’d quickly learned I made up for my sobriety with gay dates well worth the people watching. “And how exactly did you figure that out?” I asked. “In my experience you need to go through the man to get to the cock.”
“Oh, that was my bro Bruce,” Tim said. “We’ve been best friends forever. But sometimes we’ve experimented with each other. And his dick…” his eyes closed as he trailed off, a slight flush spreading over his cheeks. “I don’t know what it is,” he concluded. “Bruce is straight too; we're just good bros. But ever since we…well, I can’t get enough of it now.”
He drained his old fashioned while I thought over his pitch. Tim was fun enough, in a nerdy sort of way: he worked in PR for some tech platform I’d never heard of. And he did have a certain nervous enthusiasm. His confusion over his orientation was weird; on the other hand, I had no small sympathy for men who “loved their wives” all the way to fucking men instead. After all, I’d been one of them once.
“So, let me get this straight,” I said. “You’re looking for cocks to suck. You’re not attracted to me, so you don’t want anything in return. All you want is to suck me off and to go right back to your wife?”
“Yes, exactly!” Tim said, his eyes lighting up. Okay, that was hot enough.
“I can work with that,” I said, getting to my feet. “Let’s go.”
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